Every now and again it is a good idea to get personal here. Sometimes it helps the reader to better understand what the writer is ‘trying’ to say and sometimes it helps the writer to understand what the writer is trying to say. In any case, it’s a break in the process and maybe the serpent can take his tale out of his mouth for a little bit and go off and hypnotize a dove... or something. Yes, that energy feeds on itself. It’s also the original perpetual motion machine. The life and death dramas of nature; red in tooth and claw and all the rest of the ‘sturm und drang’ that makes life scary and exciting at the same time is just a part of the process of the thing producing and consuming itself without changing one wit.
There is no question that, given the amount of words I traffic in that there will be moments of less precision than at other times. There will be contradictions and the occasional mis-labeled quote. It’s an operation of dancing around the truth, putting up fences to contain images and ideas by defining the territory and setting a mood. I’m playing with myself in public so that I don’t have to play with myself in public.
What I believe is that there is a living source from which everything emerges and into which everything returns. I believe that there is no time that any of the manifestations are separated from the source even if they think they are; purgatory, Hell... There are those who talk about some sort of dark achievement by those who hate God which involves ‘The Ring Pass Not” but we won’t concern ourselves with that. It is unlikely to ever become the business of anyone passing though here, including me.
From my earliest memories I can recall seeing and being affected by things that aren’t supposed to happen in every day life. Every day life is rigidly confined according to fixed parameters and anyone having experiences outside of that is either mentally ill or on drugs; so they say. These experiences led me to certain areas of inquiry; first poetry and the ancient Greeks and Romans, some mind travel with Richard Halliburton, escapist literature, the mind according to Western thinkers, philosophy (according to Western thinkers) and then came LSD.
As soon as I took LSD certain things happened to me and everything I had learned and thought I knew just emptied out of me and I had no interest in Western explanations for what things were and how they worked. I wound up in prison for several years off and on and it served as a sort of monastery. I assure you that the manner in which I survived it was very much the same. The only difference was that the demons were embodied as well as disembodied.
I was in and out of prison and an institution for the criminally insane. This was because I would be released on occasion with the understanding that I would cooperate in my probation or parole. I was not inclined to do so and went my way quite soon after my releases which would put me, ‘on the run’. Whether it was from a past life thing (of course that would be a factor), or because of a combination of extreme aestheticism and the use of LSD; what difference does it make? Things happened.
I met a man on a beach in Big Sur. He proved to be much more than that and had certain peculiarities that I couldn’t pay attention to while I was in his presence because I was completely in his presence and there was shortly after, no ‘me’. He had an unusual way of forcing the breath from his nostrils, holding his hands like he was gripping the reins of a horse and his face... it was an ancient oriental countenance such as you see in certain ivory and jade statures. His body was perfectly proportioned and he moved with an ease that was remarkable. I could not tell his age.
We spent a day together and things were discussed. I’ll just remark on a couple of things, otherwise I will be here longer than I intend to be today. He said, “God is a serpent. God is sleeping and this is his dream.” I asked him if God would wake up and he said, “I don’t know.” That’s the other thing. He said “I don’t know.” frequently. After a little while I was saying it too... and meaning it.
I left and went on with my Magical Mystery Tour. Then I was arrested in Arizona. Sitting at a table in the jail I found myself unconsciously doing the same breathing patterns he had been doing and my face kept compressing itself the way he had done. At no point along the way was I able to associate any of this with him. He had complete control. Somehow I wasn’t in jail anymore. Probably they released me without doing or waiting for the background check to come back. That happened a few times when I got arrested for being somewhere where people got high or having something on me, or just being on the road.
A few weeks later I was in Washington D.C. and on a particular evening I ran into John Hall who later played with the band Orleans. He had been looking for me. He had scored some acid. He was with a drummer named Jack Brooks and they were going out to Terry’s father’s house in the Virginia countryside (I can’t remember Terry’s last name now- he wasn’t with us). About five of us went out there and we dropped the acid. At some point John began to play a certain repeating series of notes and I felt my hands start to rise above my head. I resisted this and was a little disturbed. I didn’t know what was happening. I noticed some art on the walls. It was medieval knights on horseback. They changed into oriental knights. The force was getting stronger and stronger and I thought someone in the room was a witch and putting a spell on me. I didn’t know anything at all about what was happening to me.
I said to myself, “Just let go.” And I did. As I did my personality vanished. Everything I knew about myself that was familiar went away and I became aware that what was happening to me was connected to the man on the beach. My hands began to go through a series of mudras such as you see in Hindu posters and statues. Suddenly I was right inside John’s mind and could read his thoughts as clearly as if he were speaking them. He felt the intrusion and resisted powerfully. However, there was nothing to resist against since there is only one mind. I looked to the carpet and saw hundreds of tiny devils with their backs bent in front of me. My hands did all sorts of fascinating things with them. People in the room were freaked but couldn’t act or move.
Realizing the effect it was having on everyone I got up and went outside on to the lawn that was surrounded by pine woods. In front of me were 5 golden holographic cobras, coiled and with their heads raised and hoods flared. Behind them on a long shelf of rock were a series of cats (six, I think). They were in profile and just outlined in green with a large 9 filling the empty form. All manner of creatures appeared at the woods perimeter. When I walked the ground shook. I went to enter the forest but was forbidden to. I went back into the house, into the kitchen where two guys were standing. My hand extended toward the feet of one of them and his feet went right out from under him. The force was intense.
Everyone except me was freaked. We drove back into D.C. in the dawn and they quickly dropped me off at the park and sped away. None of them ever talked to me again, except for John. He kept accidentally and coincidentally showing up at places where I was and being very annoyed about it. I spent the next 3 years in a state of near dynamic tension over this and whenever LSD was ingested all of the same forces came into play. This led to people following me around all over the country but I was pretty good at avoiding them.
Much time has passed and the situation with my life and my hands and this force are still there. I know now that it was a kundalini experience. Later I saw the posters and statues that informed me of other things. It’s been a wild ride and nothing has been explained. In Italy a few months ago I took some mushrooms and the man on the beach showed up and I finally found out who it was. I was reassured concerning the present and the future without being told much specifically.
Over the years I have been in the depths and upon the heights; where I could not remain because I had not earned the right. An enormous amount of information has passed through my mind, some of it stayed and some of it went and some of it became new information because of the contact. That’s what this blog is all about. This blog is a periodic musing on things invisible as their presence has affected me. I know no more than what I did before. My life is less tumultuous and crazy but I have no idea what any of it means. It’s just something I’m going through and everything I talk about relates back to the things that have happened and how I have come to understand things like metaphysics and religion, the Hermetic Sciences and Yoga as they relate to what I’ve been through.
I don’t think about what I’m going to write. I sit down and begin to write and then it’s over at some point and I post it. I don’t really have to think about it, though sometimes I do, wondering over a particular passage and maybe changing it somewhat. Mostly it just appears out of whole cloth. I don’t make any claims about myself or the things I say. There they are, take them as you will or put them aside. This is just something I’ve found myself doing and I have no idea what it is for or why. So, if something is puzzling or poorly said, or not the same as how you see it, well, I have no answer for that. This is just another of life’s experiments and it will go on until it turns into something else.
'Gone Baby Gone' is track no. 6 of 10 on Visible's 2006 album 'Songwriter'
Lyrics (pops up)