When I was very young there were a few things that I wanted to be. I wanted to be an archaeologist. I wanted to be a professional baseball player and I wanted to be a rock and roll star. I had the capacity to be any of them. I achieved the first by discovering the Hermetic Sciences which is really what the archaeologist thing was all about anyway. I played baseball and all of the other sports from the time the sun came up until the time it went down. What I mean is, whenever I could or was allowed to. Since I grew up on military bases I could always find a field and players. I was a left-handed pitcher and according to my father (who played semi-pro ball) and who never had anything good to say about me, I had major league potential. That he could even bring himself to say this meant that I must have had some talent. When I was sixteen I separated my elbow and that was the end of that.
As far as the rock and roll star thing... the jury is still out on that. I’ve certainly had some small success and will have more. I don’t know how that will be resolved. In any case, it won’t be rock and roll but rather another venue. Today... I don’t care about these things at all. I no longer need the Hermetic Sciences because I made the connection I was looking for. The world of baseball players would not work for me. I would make Bill Lee look like a Mormon elder. The world of rock and roll is a dark place except for the shining light of vanity and that’s a black light of its own.
This isn’t about any of these might have been scenarios and... then again, I guess it is. I know some people wonder why I display certain negative behavior in the comments section now and then. They may also wonder why I wax scatological on occasion or why I do any number of things that aren’t really necessary and which serve to diminish me in the eyes of my readers. The truth is that I do it on purpose to protect myself from being taken for something I don’t want. I do it to mark up my surface. I do it as a form of reverse cosmetics. I have my reasons.
Throughout my life I have sometimes found myself being cast in a certain light by mostly well meaning individuals and also disappointing them when I didn’t live up to the standards they set for me. It was like being given parameters to operate within according to what someone other than me had determined I should be.
I’m good at some things and not very good at others. One thing I’ve shown some talent at is acting. It’s an easy thing for me to do and I’ve had success at it, even made a very good living from it for awhile. I’ve been around a few spiritual masters. I know the routine. I know some people who used to be something else before they became a spiritual master. Of course, there are degrees of spiritual mastery. Some of them are unquestionably in the zone and some are acting out at a particular level. The spiritual master game isn’t all that hard because... even when you fuck up it can be explained as a conscious lesson for the students as if it was on purpose to begin with.
In the spiritual master game anything can be- and has been- justified; a hundred Roll’s Royce’s, millions and millions of dollars, young naked girls and boys, double standards, gold plated bathroom fixtures, whathaveyou... there are a lot of Bennies. You don’t hear about the negative aspects but I’m going to cover some of those today. Before I do, I want to finish up on a couple of things.
I could play a spiritual master. I could internalize to where my complete focus was on self-control and everything else would follow. This is a key to the whole routine. The key to the rap is to route everything back to a particular simple point. It doesn’t matter what you are talking about. You just cycle everything back to your signature note. You can choose from a large list. You treat everyone the same and you speak to everyone as if you are speaking to the same person. You can either keep your mind empty or you can hold focus on a specific attribute. You take control of your posture and your gestures. You get into the role. You believe that you are what you seem. What happens is that others believe you are what you seem and power comes from the collective focus.
You cultivate detachment. This is an important point. You give your whole attention to whatever and whoever has your attention. You maintain your poise and you project welcoming warmth. You can actually do this. Performing these things with an inflexible regularity will eventually turn you into a spiritual master, at least as far as the appearance given. The focus of your followers supports this in various seen and unseen ways. Working the force of what is directed at you is another key to the system.
But the downside... hmmm... No one talks about what it is like to endure endless, stupid questions or having to answer the same questions over and over. You have to process various desires that are directed at you each and every day. There is a scrutiny that makes your life no longer your own. Well... a spiritual master isn’t supposed to have a life of his own. As soon as the number of followers reaches a certain amount, you acquire flacks. You acquire people representing you on their own initiative. You acquire an inner and outer circle and you have to process the ambitions of particular personality types that infallibly show up. You must mediate the internecine rivalries. A real spiritual master has these conflicts already resolved within himself but... real spiritual masters are as rare as hummingbird teeth.
There are people around whose avocation is to challenge spiritual masters, to make them uncomfortable. There are people who steal and there are people who fall out of love with you. Some of these people get on a mission to destroy your reputation and they will tell lies about you. Some of what they say may be true but there will certainly be lies. You will wind up listed on the Guru Rating System. Your time will not be your own. You will have to endure the company of people that it will be very difficult to like and you can’t send them away. These people will certainly show up. People will hang on you. People will constantly talk about their problems. These will be the same problems that you solved a hundred times before but which can never be solved because these people need these problems. People will want to fuck you... in all sorts of ways.
A certain type of old lady will show up. She’ll have a lot of money and she will be in love with the sound of her own voice but... you won’t be. You’ll have to hear about how wonderful you are all the time by the same people who will tell the world what a big fake you are when they fall out of love with you. People will use you as a backboard to show how wise they are and never hear anything you say. You’ll be in serious need of a vacation but there are no vacations in the spiritual master game. You’ll wonder at night, when you can’t sleep, why you didn’t become an accountant instead. You will have to watch everything you do because people are watching everything you do. You’ll have to give talks all the time and write a whole lot of books. People will write compelling publicity blurbs that will be very embarrassing AND certain people will want you to expand your theater of operations and the number of ongoing projects and they won’t stop because that is what they do.
You will have to resolve things in your past with the miracle of your present and people will come out of the woodwork and tell exaggerated tales about the person you used to be. You will be responsible for other people, in a certain respect, quite literally. You could well become addicted to pain killers. This particular pathology is not uncommon in the spiritual master game. You will be invited to New Age seminars and sometimes have to sit on stage with other spiritual masters and respond to the same stupid questions you hear every day already.
I could go on for several more pages about the downside of this trip but I don’t think it’s necessary. It’s more than a full time job and it’s a lot like having head lice after awhile. So... if you should ever wonder at some time in the future why I act a certain way that does not seem to be in my best interest or makes me look like I couldn’t be a spiritual master if I say and do things like that well... you’re right, thank god.
'Love is Bound' is track no. 12 of 12 on Visible's 2007 album 'Almost A Capella'
Lyrics (pops up)