Dog Poet Transmitting.......
May your noses always be cold and wet.
If you've been coming around here for any length of time. you know I'm not the sort to complain about my personal life. I'm not a fan of whining and... I've had a pretty relentless course of things not going in my favor, with some bright spots but... having to pay as I go and pay and pay and pay.
This last two weeks I was assaulted by a horrific flu. I seldom get ill, once every five or ten years something like this comes along.Then there was the full scale war against my computer and I couldn't write any posts because I was unable to write double letters, backspace more than once and several characters typed out as another character. Meanwhile, my net book disappeared. Then it reappeared for a day. Then it disappeared again. I was told to put a CD into my CD burner and once the door opened, this device appeared out of nowhere and I had to pull it out of there and then it dissolved and disappeared. Items went missing with regularity and have not returned. I can't re-install Windows XP. I'm not sure where to go with this. Then I developed a cough that racked me with pain whenever I coughed, which was often.
Over the top of all of this, I keep hearing, "rely on me, rely on me." I've no choice in that regard but am forced to forget this without exception. Now, I've found an amount of money I had no idea I had, not any kind of large amount but certainly welcome. Where did it come from?
To say that I am at my wits end, is to have to rely on terms I am familiar with and not the terms that would actually apply, if I knew what they were. Things, trips I was counting on, are not happening anymore, not the new location I am meant to go to shortly; something else.
People that I had reasonable communications with for a good period of time, suddenly go out of their minds without my having to do anything to cause it. This is more or less science fiction, except it's not fiction. It's happening every day, though less so than it was. Now the net book is gone, over a week now and I don't know what I'll be able to use while I am away for a month, for posting and staying in touch. It's big time Topsy turvy-ville.
So, now I feel like I've been through four quarters of a bruising NFL game and I wasn't in the necessary condition or age group. Times like these you think about treading water but then you realize you are in The Bay of Fundy or, Mount St. Michel. This would explain that "rely on me" thing, regardless of it being blipped out of my consciousness every time I try to permanize it.
Of late I have felt a lot like that Al Capp character, Joe Btfsplk who walks around with a gray cloud over his head. I know there are warm, exotic and welcoming places I could go for a few months and simply let this relentless intensity drain from my being but... after all of the deceptions I have encountered in recent times, I have no idea who is who. This is not to disparage those who have offered me safe haven. This is just to point out the level of uncertainty I have to deal with. I'd love some kind of a hiatus zone like Maui through these coming cold months, then head to my new residence in the Spring. I'm more than a little apprehensive about the great deal of work required of me to get my new digs livable; much better to hit that place in the Spring. What to do, what to do?
Obviously, "rely on me" is a pressing matter in the mind of the ineffable, where I am concerned and being chained to a lamp post at the corner of Shit and Go Blind is my operational environment. I notice the occasional grin appearing on my face, briefly. This is the first time days are going by and I'm not singing. I'm usually always singing.
So, I don't want to snag the reader into a 'poor Visible' perspective. I'm just letting you know what it's like for me. Some spiteful dunce made the usual uniformed comment about, "Well, maybe Mr. Apocalypse is at your door too." This indicates one who is confident with blind presumption and given things I know about this sort of thing, I can dismiss this sort of petty unpleasantness out of hand. I could wish that people understood better how I am not much affected by things like this but... had they the requisite insight they wouldn't get up to things like this in the first place.
Somewhere between now and mid-November, the world will be utterly transformed, or so I hear. Everything is still avoidable but it's the collective delusion of the masses that makes so many outrages possible.
I'm guessing some number of you never expected me to talk like this and some of you are probably wondering what took so long. So much has happened, I can't even remember a lot of it and that is often the case with periods of hyper-reality. Normal periods operate within familiar zones. What is not normal does not usually operate within familiar zones. At the moment I am not flooded with optimism, nor negativity either. All I can think of is, 'a state of watchfulness.'
I once thought, well, success is going to come for me later in life. At the time, I was thinking that meant a lot earlier than now. I also thought there would be an increasingly greater ease of passage, not the reverse. Typically of me, I'm very adjustable and what I'm after doesn't have all that much to do with the pedestrian shit most people hunger after. That's like being in pursuit of ballast for your hot air balloon.
Any day now, things can switch into a whole new and entirely different environment. By this time I am so committed to all of the things I have been told by my invisible friends that there is no alternative for me. They've been so consistent, even if I've seen little of all that I have been promised. I never was given any dates or locations. Sometimes you get to the point where you can't turn back and you have to take each day purely on faith. I suspect that is where I am now.
Last night's radio broadcast is available now.
Lyrics (pops up)